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Sometimes, we dads look at our significant others, and we get to be reminded of why we’re dads. These women had our hearts long before the precious little bundles of joy you created together. I know that it’s easy to get distracted with all of the craziness that is life after kids, but I am here to give you some advice that can help you reconnect in the midst of all the chaos. I am not going to profess that I have found the secret to a happy marriage, nor that I know the one trick that always works. However, I do have a bit of advice that can show her how much you love her.
If you follow my facebook page, you probably already know that I’m a huge fan of science fiction. My favorite author in that genre is Robert Heinlein. Heinlein is considered the ‘Dean of Science Fiction’ writing from the late 1930’s through the 80’s. One of my favorite novels of his is “Time Enough For Love.”
“Time Enough For Love” is a story about Woodrow Wilson Smith, aka Lazarus Long. Lazarus Long is a man who, through the combination of good genes, advances in medical science, and luck, lives to be thousands of years old. The story follows Lazarus Long late in his life, when he is not sure what the purpose of living is anymore. Throughout the novel, we are told stories and anecdotes of his past lives, intermixed with his ‘current’ storyline.
In the middle of the book, there is a chapter dedicated to ‘Excerpts from the Notebooks of Lazarus Long.’ This chapter has short little quotes on how to live life from a man who has lived several. It includes such gems as, “If it can’t be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion,” and “Courage is the compliment of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool).” It is here in the middle of these thoughts on life that I found the greatest advice I can offer to another man, “Rub her feet.”
I have to admit something here. The first time I read this book, I skipped right over it. I was focused more on his thoughts about religion, politics, space travel, and beer (“Always store beer in a dark place”). It wasn’t until after I was married, and I was rereading the book (obviously before kids, because who has time for reading novels with little kids in the house?) that I saw the words “Rub her feet,” and I had an epiphany. Such a simple act, but so meaningful. We all know that moms are on their feet all day, chasing the little buggers around. Nothing can be more relaxing than a quick rub down of those aching tired feet. It’s not about romance or sex, rubbing your wife’s feet is an act of love.
Being there for the woman you love doesn’t have to be a constant barrage of grand gestures. Sometimes it is the small acts that can remind her of why you fell in love in the first place. It doesn’t have to end with rubbing her feet, either. Any small expression of love can be the sign she needs. Offer to do a chore that she normally does. Remember to put the toilet seat down. Give her the time to take a nap! Just do something that shows her how much you care about her; something small and meaningful.
Now, I’m not saying that this gives you a free pass to forget your next anniversary. Also, jewelry, chocolates, and cards still have their place in helping to add to the romance. But if you want to remind her that you love her in a truly special and meaningful way, just remember three simple words passed on to us from a man who, through several lifetimes, has had time enough for love– Rub her feet.
What are some of the small gestures you do to show your woman how much you appreciate her?